Kays Translations

Chapter 19: The Witch of Hell

I am the world’s greatest staff craftsman, the staff Maker.

However, until now, I had also been the only staff craftsman in the world.

Gremlins are difficult to process; even master craftsmen cannot carve them into spherical shapes. That’s why most users of fertility magic who rely on gremlins pick up ones that are already roughly spherical and use them as-is.

I produce one or two general-purpose staff daily, but that doesn’t even come close to meeting the demand. The production process now takes a little longer due to the addition of anti-magic backflow mechanisms.

The new techniques developed by Professor Handa, who recently joined the Gremlin Engineering Department at Tokyo Magic University, completely broke my monopoly in the staff-making industry.

In less than six months after joining, Professor Handa and his students developed three gremlin processing techniques: polishing, casting, and machining, making staff-making accessible even to ordinary craftsmen.

Regarding “polishing,” this consists of two specific advancements.

Thanks to these developments, craftsmen are now able to shape gremlins into spheres.

The first breakthrough was the efficient and precise production of polishing agents.
Gremlins have a Mohs hardness of 11, making them impervious even to diamond. Thus, gremlins had to be ground into powder and used as their own polishing agent. I personally crushed and ground gremlins to create the polishing agent.

The Handa Laboratory improved this process. By leveraging water flow and sedimentation within fluids, they developed a method to mass-produce high-quality, uniform polishing agents.

The Handa Lab’s polishing agents are better than mine, and I’ve been using them with great satisfaction.

The labor-intensive process of crushing and grinding gremlins is now a thing of the past, making my work significantly easier. Consumables like this are best purchased as ready-made products.

The second breakthrough with polishing was quite forceful yet ingenious—something I had never thought of.

Gremlins are challenging to cut and easily crack under poor processing techniques. So, the Handa Lab devised a method that involves no cutting at all.

The idea is simple: use copious amounts of polishing agents and shape the gremlin solely through polishing, without cutting at all…!

When I first heard of this, I laughed at how brute-force it was, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense—and I was genuinely impressed.

Shaping a gremlin through polishing alone is extremely inefficient, akin to skipping saws and chisels and starting with sandpaper when shaping rough wood. It’s so inefficient that I never even considered it.

However, at least this method ensures that the gremlin doesn’t crack, chip, or develop fractures during processing. Though inefficient, it’s a foolproof method.

Thanks to my natural dexterity, I’ve always been able to process gremlins from the start without needing to rely on such inefficient, time-consuming methods.

The Handa team’s polishing method is something that someone as naturally skilled as I am would never have come up with.

The advancements in “casting” were an evolution of molten and resolidified gremlins.

Professor Handa, well-versed in fluid dynamics, further developed the anti-magic backflow mechanism I had devised, making several improvements. They designed a shape, inspired by a Tesla valve, to efficiently diffuse and diminish backflow magic.

Although it’s a geometrically complex shape that seems hard to carve, Professor Handa solved this problem through casting.

If carving is difficult, why not start with the finished shape?

By pouring molten gremlin into molds, cooling, and solidifying it, they were able to cast shapes optimized for anti-magic backflow dynamics without the need for carving. Ingenious…!

Since I can shape things through carving with my natural dexterity, I would have never thought to use molds either.

This is one of those obvious ideas in hindsight—like the egg of Columbus.

Processing molten gremlins requires extremely high temperatures of around 1200°C. To address this, they provided manufacturing methods and blueprints to the Fire Witch, who possesses several furnaces, and requested her help.

The Fire Witch is adept at handling fire, and her district is known for its rapid industrial recovery involving fire-based industries. From heating systems even in winter to permanent bathhouses, her governance leverages fire to its fullest.

From what I’ve heard, she has multiple furnaces as reliable as my personal one. Urban areas have manpower; the pace of work differs significantly from what one person can do alone.

The final achievement, “machining,” was a solution to the ridiculously inefficient polishing process.

While it’s called machining, it doesn’t involve reviving electric-powered machinery. It’s more akin to mechanical contraptions.

Waterwheels have been installed along major rivers in Tokyo, such as the Arakawa, Sumida, and Tama Rivers, with more being added. These are primarily used for pumping water into rooftop rain-gutter-style water distribution systems, replacing the old, defunct underground plumbing network.

The Handa Lab borrowed and modified some of these waterwheels.

Using gears, pulleys, and weights, they stored potential energy from the waterwheel, creating a stable power source to drive a practical grinding machine.

With a grinding machine, the laborious hand-polishing process becomes significantly more efficient, transforming ridiculously inefficient work into merely inefficient work.

Thus, with the three pillars of “polishing, casting, and machining,” the Handa Lab enabled mass production of wands.

Even though their production methods are inefficient, they have manpower. I lose in terms of output.

I feared losing my market share of staff and my status as the legendary staff craftsman, the staff Maker, wondering if I’d soon become a relic of the past.

But that didn’t happen.

Prominent figures like the Eye Witch, the Fire Witch, the Witch of Hachioji, and the Seer Mage of the Tokyo Witches’ Assembly ordered staff through the Blue Witch. The Eye Witch even ordered two!

Ohinata-sensei continues to request student staff from me, just as before.

Even though they could now produce staff in workshops under the Tokyo Witches’ Assembly, they still rely on me.

The reason is simple: they want high-quality, luxury staff.

The staff produced by the Handa Lab’s method are significantly inferior to my creations.

The spherical shaping is crude, as if made while drunk, and they don’t even carve out the interior for a two-layer structure. This alone drastically lowers the magic amplification rate compared to my handmade staff.

Their anti-magic backflow mechanisms are also rough. I can see what they were aiming for, but their precision falls short. Their processing accuracy hasn’t caught up with the theory. In contrast, I can achieve 100% of the theoretical precision.

And on top of that, their design sense is non-existent.

Since their goal is mass production for the general public, it can’t be helped that all their staff are simple, uniform, and devoid of individuality.

If they added complex designs or decorations, productivity would drop. It’s clear they aimed for the simplest design possible to maximize efficiency.

The witches of the Tokyo Witches’ Assembly disliked carrying mass-produced staff designed for the general public.

After all, they were transcendent beings who reigned supreme with their might, enforcing absolute governance.

It wouldn’t look good if the top of the top used a mass-produced staff.

It’d be like a Yakuza boss driving around in a cheap kei truck. No matter how impressive the boss might be, people would look down on them. If the top figure is underestimated, discipline falters, public order deteriorates, and negotiations can become disadvantageous. There’s nothing good about that.

That’s why the witches sought my high-quality, luxurious wands.

It’s partly thanks to the promotional effect of Kyanos, owned by the Blue Witch. The strongest witch wielding the strongest staff—one that is beautiful and a top-tier work of art. Naturally, people would want a wand from the same brand.

The same goes for the Magic University.

Graduates of the Magic University receive the title of Wizard along with one of my magic staff.

In terms of pre-Gremlin Disaster values, it’s like graduating from an elite university and getting a luxury car as part of the package.

Apparently, there are even students who enrolled this year just to get one of the staff.

If the allure of the staff brings in talented people who are motivated to focus on their studies and research, then it’s only natural that the university continues to place manufacturing orders with me.

I’m genuinely glad I established connections with the Blue Witch and Ohinata-sensei.

If I hadn’t, I might have ended up as some nameless craftsman quietly making wands in the countryside. Close call.

In light of this magic staff production revolution, I redefined my position.

In contrast to Professor Handa’s mass-production route for the public, I chose the high-quality, custom-made luxury route.

It’s because mass-produced items exist that luxury items shine.

When I think about it that way, the emergence of mass-produced magic staff has actually worked in my favor.

I’ll continue sharing my staff-crafting techniques with the Magic University through Ohinata-sensei.

I’ve been immensely helped by the polishing agents produced by the university, and they’ve even upgraded the magic flow-back prevention mechanism I came up with. This mutual exchange of ideas has been stimulating, and I’d like to continue fostering it.

Thanks to the techniques I’ve shared, the performance of magic wands available to the general public is improving.

But during that time, I’ll keep improving the performance of my own wands. I’m not planning to hold back on effort.

Many aspects of my crafting techniques are beyond the ability of ordinary people to replicate. I gain far more than I lose by sharing my expertise.

As long as we can exchange techniques through written correspondence without face-to-face meetings, I won’t hesitate to provide my knowledge.

After all, I am the world’s greatest staff maker! Wahaha!

It’s been five days since I shipped out the custom-made staff to the distinguished witches of the Tokyo Witches’ Assembly via the Blue Witch’s delivery service.

The order forms reflected their individual personalities, so it was exciting and fun to make the staff.

Since I couldn’t get my hands on magic stones, I used Gremlins instead. One witch from Hachioji specified the color of the Gremlin—she wanted it to be black. So, I secured a matte black Gremlin from a man-eating giant bird the Blue Witch had defeated long ago.

The Eye Witch ordered two staff but left the design up to me. One was for gifting purposes, so I paid special attention not only to the staff’s design but also to the presentation of the gift box.

The Fire witch requested a sturdy staff. Since she planned to use it actively in combat and sometimes even as a blunt weapon, I melted down titanium alloy frying pans and woks in a blast furnace to reforge them for the staff’s core. I also made it more maintainable and included two spare handles, assuming it might still break.

The Seer requested only one thing: the most advanced magic flow-back prevention mechanism possible. The letter of request was earnest, so I poured all my technical expertise into achieving the highest precision.

Every staff turned out to be a masterpiece.

I’m surprised I haven’t received a manufacturing request from the Dragon Witch, but I doubt it’s because she doesn’t want one. Most likely, the Blue Witch is blocking her. I appreciate her managerial efforts.

However, the Blue Witch hasn’t visited my house in these five days, which is unusual.

She probably has her own matters to attend to, but I wanted to hear the customers’ reactions to the staff. So, I brought my card set to visit her in Ome City, planning to obliterate her defensive deck with my ultra-offensive deck as a side mission.

I reached the Blue Witch’s house without any trouble, but something unusual was happening, so I quickly hid behind a vine-covered utility pole.

In front of the witch’s house, an oni woman was sitting cross-legged on the ground.

Probably a witch, right?

The Blue Witch doesn’t allow outsiders into Ome City.

Any trespassers are usually beaten senseless and thrown out or killed outright.

There’s no way a random person would just sit there so brazenly, and she didn’t look like a monster, so she must be a witch.

Even sitting, she was huge. Standing, she’d probably be over 190 cm tall.

Her chest was massive, wrapped in sarashi cloth, and unlike anything I’d seen before. Her muscular six-pack abs were exposed, making me wonder if she wasn’t cold.

She had jet-black hair with two horns and wore a baggy tokusou-fuku biker gang jacket, exuding the aura of a delinquent queen from hell. Yet, her face was unexpectedly refined, like an elegant beauty.

That mix gave her the vibe of a fallen noblewoman, which made her all the more intimidating.

For some reason, the woman sitting in front of the house clearly had business with the Blue Witch. If I were to step out now, she would definitely call out to me.

Alright, decision made! Visit canceled! Time to head back to Okutama!

I tried to tiptoe away, making as little noise as possible, but just then, a little bird perched on the vine I was hiding behind chirped loudly. Startled, the demon woman turned her gaze toward me.

“Hey! Are you from Ōme City by any chance!?”

“Ahh…!”

The demon woman stood up. Not only was she tall and big-busted, but her voice was also incredibly loud.

I couldn’t run. Reflexively, I looked down and hunched over.

Her heavy footsteps echoed as she approached, and my vision, focused on the asphalt, was soon filled with the sight of a pair of massive shoes.

Oh no, she’s huge! A human! Scary! I hate this!

“I-I don’t know anything! I’m not involved! I have no idea, and I’m busy with errands!”

“Come on, don’t be so scared! I’m the Witch of Hell! I don’t eat people!”

“I-Is that so?”

“As long as you’re a good person!”

“Ahh…!”

Wait a second! Does that mean she does eat bad people? No way!

I’m not a bad person! Sure, there was that one time I made some money selling bootleg anime merchandise, but other than that, I’ve been a decent human being! Please don’t eat me!

“The Blue Witch isn’t hearing me out, and I’m in trouble! Can you relay a message to her for me!?”

“Uh, um, well…”

While my eardrums were rattled by her booming voice, and my body trembled like there was an earthquake, I suddenly heard a familiar chant: “Frozen Javelin, Dhu Vaalal!”

With a loud thud, the demon woman was blown away, tumbling onto the road.

A savior had appeared!

I bolted toward the Blue Witch, who stood like a statue at the entrance, holding her staff, Kyanos, and hid behind her back. Phew, saved! Nice timing!

Feeling safe behind the strongest wall in existence, I peeked out. The Blue Witch pointed her staff at the Witch of Hell, who was trying to stand up, maintaining her guard while grumbling quietly.

“Why did you come here? I told you I couldn’t come to your place because the Witch of Hell was tailing me. I also told you not to come here.”

“Huh? No, you didn’t.”

“I did. I told you through the Eyeball Familiar.”

“Oh, right… Yeah, I blocked that. You kept calling too much.”

The Blue Witch’s Eyeball Familiar had started with minor administrative messages, but over time, the calls got longer and longer. Recently, I’d been subjected to hour-long chats about trivial nonsense every night. Blocking her seemed justified.

“Blocked me!? You idiot, then what’s the point of having a communication device—Frozen Javelin, Dhu Vaalal! No wonder there was no reply! You—seriously, you’re just—ugh!”

The Blue Witch muttered angrily, flinging the Witch of Hell away with another spell every time she tried to get closer.

“Well, you kept calling about random stuff. Like, I don’t care about a bird feeder in your yard. Don’t feed pests!”

“Shut up, it’s cute! It’s not just sparrows, you know; white-eyes come, too. And I’ve been indulging you with your card games, but you ignore my stuff?”

“…Okay, yeah, maybe you’re right. Sorry, my bad.”

“‘Maybe’ my ass! It is your fault! Thanks to you, this whole mess got even worse—Frozen Javelin, Dhu Vaalal!”

The towering demoness, repeatedly blown away by ice spears, eventually raised her hands in surrender.

Then, without warning, she prostrated herself on the ground in a perfect dogeza pose.

In a voice as loud and earnest as ever, she pleaded:

“Blue Witch! I beg you, please, let me meet the staff craftsman, the staff Maker! I have to thank my benefactor personally; it’s a matter of honor!”

Silence fell.

The Blue Witch said nothing.

I said nothing.

Uh… okay.

She said this situation was a hassle, but isn’t it kind of hilarious?

I mean, her precious Staff Maker is standing right in front of her, and she doesn’t even realize it.

Well, I guess I do look more like a card gamer carrying a deck case than a master craftsman. Good thing I had the foresight to tuck my custom staff, Hendenshaw, away.

I peeked out from behind the Blue Witch’s back and asked cautiously:

“Um, what exactly did this benefactor do for you?”

I had no idea who this demon woman was.

Who was she? I didn’t recall ever doing her a favor.

Pretending to be someone else, I inquired further. The Witch of Hell, still pressing her forehead against the asphalt, answered without lifting her head.

“They stopped my rampage!! For two and a half years!! I was constantly suppressing my out-of-control magic!! Adachi Ward was a living hell!! But thanks to the staff crafted by the staff Maker, I was able to control my magic and dispel the rampaging spell!! Adachi Ward and I were freed!!”

I-I see.

As I listened, it started to make sense. No wonder I didn’t remember anything.

The staff I had crafted as a gift for the Eyeball Witch must have ended up in the hands of the Witch of Hell.

And that staff had sealed away her magic.

“I thanked the Eyeball Witch!! She told me it was all thanks to the Staff Maker!! That’s why I won’t leave this spot until I’m allowed to meet the Staff Maker!! Please!! Only the Ōme Witch knows where the Staff Maker is, right!?”

“I don’t. Go home.”

The Blue Witch coldly dismissed her, but the Witch of Hell remained in her dogeza pose, showing no intention of budging.

Even though I was still pretty scared of this human megaphone, her story piqued my interest.

She suppressed rampaging magic for two and a half years?

And she used my staff to do it?

This kind of bizarre, real-world usage data isn’t something I could get my hands on often. I really wanted to hear her impressions of it.

I leaned in and whispered to the Blue Witch.

“Can we let her in? I want to hear what she has to say.”

“…Are you sure? She’s not inherently evil, but she is a man-eating witch.”

“Honestly, I’m scared, but I’m curious. And if she tries anything, you’ll protect me, right?”

“Well, that’s true, but…”

“But I don’t want to do the talking. You ask her everything I want to know for me. I’ll just listen on the side.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Do it yourself.”

The Blue Witch clicked her tongue in annoyance, then helped the Witch of Hell to her feet and invited her inside.

Ugh, I have to do the talking? I really don’t want to… but for the sake of obtaining this valuable data, I’ll just have to suck it up. Let’s do this and make sure I get all the details.

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