Kays Translations

Chapter 117: The Great Ermine Thief Gang

Mokutan, who had her ear pressed to the storage room door with me, sparkled with excitement and snorted a few sparks from her nose as he exclaimed:

“Thieves! Police!”

“Yeah. We should probably go report this to security or—”

“Mii! Pipi-pii! You’re under arrest! You’re under arrest! You’re under arrest—!”

Before I could finish my sentence, Mokutan, too excited to wait, shot fire from her fingertip like a blowtorch, burned through the doorknob, kicked the door open, and charged inside.

Whoa—?!
She’s actually playing cops and robbers!!

Mokutan’s body temperature had stabilized to the point where she could now hold paper without burning it. Lately, she’d been spending time in my study, and I was sure she’d been reading police manga there.

Seriously, kids get influenced by manga way too fast.

I followed her into the storage room, which looked more like a vault than a regular warehouse. Drawers with numbered labels lined the walls, and in the center was a plain table stacked with boxes full of gold coins. One of the ermine had apparently dived into one of the boxes—its chubby, winter-furred body sticking upside-down with its butt in the air, kicking and flailing.

Another ermine, small and wearing tiny glasses, stood stunned atop one of the boxes, having dropped what looked like a catalog sheet. On the floor, a skinny, lanky ermine had a large jewel in its mouth, its fur standing on end in surprise as it stared upward.

“Mimimi, you’re under arrest! You have the right to remain silent! Surrender to the forces of justice!”

“You mean ‘solemnly’…”

With a triumphant cry, Mokutan leapt into action, yanking the fat ermine out of the coin box and hoisting him high like a trophy. The other two ermines, realizing the situation, screamed in panic:

“Waaaah!? Let go of Odecchi!”

“Stop! Odecchi’s scared of heights!”

The bespectacled ermine and the skinny one rushed in to help, launching a desperate flurry of adorable paw slaps against Mokutan’s feet in an attempt to save their friend.

But their valiant attacks had all the force of a pillow fight—speed 100, power 0.

Mokutan only wiggled with laughter, clearly ticklish, and snatched up the glasses-wearing ermine with one hand. Now she held two ermines.

“Gyaaaah?! I’m doomed! Acchan, run! Save yourself!”
“Odeeeeee…!”

The glasses-ermine flailed hopelessly in Mokutan’s grip, while the fat one trembled so hard he couldn’t speak properly.

“Let them go, you jerk! You flaming moron! We were so close! Who even are you?!”

The last one, the skinny ermine called Acchan, bounced around the floor, shouting threats and baring his tiny teeth at Mokutan.

What’s with these guys? They’re thieves, but they’re kind of… adorable. I kind of wanted to let them off with a warning.

But I guess I was the only one thinking that. Mokutan had no intention of holding back. She puffed up and blasted a jet of flame at the last ermine.

Acchan tried to dodge, but not quite fast enough—his tail caught fire and he screamed:

“Waaaah?! My tail! It’s on fire!”
“Gotcha!”

Rolling on the floor to put the fire out, Acchan was snatched up between Mokutan’s nimble toes, flipped into the air, and caught expertly in her mouth.

“Gyaaack!”

“He’s gonna eat Acchan?! We taste terrible, okay?!”

“Ode—Ode’s all fat! Bad for your health! High in cholesto-doooool!”

“It’s cholesterol.”

With all three ermines secured, Mokutan looked very pleased with herself. She tried to say something, still holding Acchan in her mouth, the poor guy looking utterly limp and defeated.

“Good job, Mokutan. You did great.”
“Mogagaga.”

I scratched her under the chin, and he happily snorted sparks from his nose. So cute. The adorable levels in this vault were rising fast.

Looking closer at the three ermines Mokutan had caught, they were clearly different from Professor Oonohata.

The spectacled one, Bokk’n, had a sharp, clever look and a small frame.

Acchan, the skinny one, looked like a petty crook, lanky with a mischievous face.

And Odecchi, the fat one, had so much pudge you could poke him and feel the squish bounce back.

Hmm. Even ermines have distinct personalities. Fascinating.

We could hand them over to security right now… but hearing them call out to each other by name and try to protect one another gave me pause. They didn’t seem like evil scum or anything.

And from their voices, they sounded young—still kids, really.

If they could use transformation magic to become ermines, they had to have plenty of magic power. So why were these promising youngsters sneaking into an auction and trying to steal things? Why go to the trouble of becoming ermines?

My curiosity piqued, I gently tickled the neck of the glasses-ermine, Bokk’n, who seemed the smartest and most likely to talk.

“Hey, why’d you guys try to steal stuff? From an auction with this much security? Tell me the truth. I might let you off if you do.”

“We don’t owe you an explana—ahhyah… ohhh… haah… haah… what’s with this guy?! His hands are unreal…!”

“Wha—Bokk’n made that kind of face?!”

“Ode’s never seen Bokk’n look like that before…!”

Bokk’n melted in my hands like butter, completely relaxing under my expert petting. Acchan and Odecchi watched in horror, visibly trembling as they flattened their round ears.

Gwahahaha! Don’t underestimate my skills, kids. Surrender to the interrogation of delight!

“Hahii…!”

“I’ll ask again. Why did you try to steal?”

“U-uh… we were actually aiming for the staff…”

Watching their comrade spill the beans with a melted expression, Acchan and Odecchi went pale with fear, their bodies curling up like they thought my fingers were weapons.

Tch. That’s what happens when you mess with adults, you little punks.

According to Bokk’n’s statement, the original plan had been to target the 0933 staff.

However, their superior had explicitly ordered them not to mess with the auction.

Instead, they were constantly nagged: Go to school, study, make normal friends.

Naturally, the three rebelled.

To them, the 0933 staff wasn’t just a luxury item.

It was an artifact that stirred the soul.

Despite being an ancient relic, it surpassed modern staffs in performance. It was amazing. There was nothing else like it.

And to think—this was the first staff recreated in modern times by 0933 himself. There was no way they wouldn’t want it!

As Bokk’n got more and more passionate in his explanation, I started feeling a little bashful.

To these boys, the 0933 staff was like a strong and cool dinosaur.

Even though it was mostly Bokk’n talking, Acchan and Odecchi—who were still being held—forgot they were captives and started chiming in.

They talked about how, even though the university-issued models of 0933 were numerous, each had subtle design differences they had memorized to tell them apart. They argued that the ones with transformation functions were the coolest. They even still treasured the set of 0933 wooden staffs models they’d all gotten for Christmas, still holding onto them to this day.

The more they talked, the more I couldn’t help smiling.

So that’s how it is.

They really loved my staff that much?

They were huge fans of my staff.

“You cheeky little brats… Here, have some candy.”

“But this is the storage room, right? My staff—0933’s staff—isn’t stored here. Why did you break into this place instead?”

I popped a piece of candy—originally from the VIP room’s table—into each of their mouths as I asked. The three looked downcast, their whiskers drooping.

“The waiting room for auction items had way too much security. We managed to sneak into the venue, but the guards were on high alert—there were no openings. But then I had a thought—‘If all the guards are posted there, maybe the storage room is wide open?’ The Takamine Cultural Hall hosts art exhibitions and solo shows all the time, so they probably keep rare stuff stored here outside of auction goods. There’s bound to be a stash of cash too. And then—future vision! Jackpot! Tons of treasure! We couldn’t get the 0933 staff, but we figured we could at least take a little something home…”

“Mogagagagaa.”

Mokutan puffed up with pride, still mumbling with Acchan in her mouth, who squirmed uncomfortably.

I see. That explains it.

So these three ermines were basically… fanboys who loved my staff a little too much?

That’s kind of cute. Not just physically adorable, but their taste is also cute. Honestly, they’ve got great taste.

But they’re still thieves…

Hmm. That’s not good.

I mean, it is flattering that they wanted my latest model 0933 staff, the Golden Scepter of Perfection, badly enough to steal it…

Even though the theft was ultimately foiled, they were caught red-handed.

“It’s a tough call… How old are you guys?”

“I’m twelve.” said Bokk’n.

“Me too.” added Odecchi.

“I’m eleven. But we’re all in the same grade.” said Acchan.

Elementary schoolers, huh. So juvenile offenders?

They said they were part of the underworld, but if we handed them over to the police, how would that play out? I didn’t really know what the laws were like nowadays.

They were cute little ermines, and big fans of mine to boot.

I wanted to let them off easy—but I had the feeling they’d just do it again if I did.

As I was deep in thought, unable to decide, Acchan, still stuck in Mokutan’s mouth, began rubbing his front paws together pleadingly, groveling in a very practiced way.

“Hehehe. Hey Mister, c’mon, let us off the hook. We didn’t actually steal anything yet. Tell this flamey lady to let us go, huh? Please, just th—WHOAA!?”

Mid-sentence, Acchan’s eyes went wide and he froze.

Something behind me was clearly freaking him out.

I turned to see what it was—and there stood Hiyori, holding Kyanos, eyebrows furrowed suspiciously.

Oh right. She did say she’d come looking if I didn’t come back in ten minutes.

“What is this? What’s going on here?”

From the outside, it must’ve looked bizarre:

The door handle had been burned off, Mokutan had captured three ermines, and I was interrogating them inside the storage room.

No wonder she was confused.

Before I could answer her completely reasonable question, the three ermines suddenly let out excited shrieks:

“Gyaaa! Kyanos! The Blue Witch! The real oneeeeee!!”

“Ode, Ode never seen the Blue Witch in person before! Amazing! So majestic! So exciting!”

“Please give me your autograph! I’ve been a fan since birth!”

“No fair, Bokk’n! Then I’ve been a fan since my past life!”

Watching the ermines go nuts like starstruck fans, Hiyori looked stunned—then gave a faint smile.

“Ah… Uh, thanks, I guess… Dairi, come here. Who are these ermines? Are they my creepy superfans or something? They sound like kids.”

She pulled me aside to a corner of the room and asked in a hushed tone. I whispered back, explaining the whole situation.

After hearing the story, Hiyori let out a deep sigh.

“I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re already knee-deep in trouble. Honestly, I don’t care. It’s all so dumb. I don’t know them, they tried to steal something from someone I also don’t know—whatever. I’m not security or a cop. If anything, since you caught them red-handed, turning them in would be the correct course of action. But… it’s your call, Dairi. You said they were after your staff, right? Even if they gave up halfway.”

“Oh… right. I almost got robbed.”

I folded my arms and thought it over.

If Hiyori says it’s up to me, then that’s probably how it is.

If these little guys had somehow broken past security, the Golden Scepter would’ve been stolen. That would’ve been a disaster.

Still, it ended in failure. And they don’t seem very remorseful.

But… they’re my fans.

Uuuuuuuugh. I really didn’t know what to do.

After thinking hard enough to make steam come out of my ears, I gave up and tossed the decision to Hiyori.

“Hiyori.”

“Yeah?”

“I want to value my fans. But if I let them off with nothing, they might grow up to be garbage adults like the Dragon Witch.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“If they promise to reflect and never steal again, I want to forgive them. But I don’t know how.”

“I see. So basically, you want to rehabilitate them?”

“Exactly. Think it’s possible?”

“Leave it to me. Mokutan! Let them go. Kids! I’ll sign something for you. Come over here.”

Reliable as ever, Hiyori gave swift instructions, and the three excited ermines rushed to her side, where she tore a page from the auction pamphlet and handed them the scraps.

“What’s your name?”

“Bokk’n, please!”

“Ode, Odecchi.”

“I was gonna give my real name, but uh—just Acchan’s fine!”

“Okay. I’ll write your names in the autograph. But this is a deal. You must promise to never do bad stuff again.”

“Huh?” the three of them said in unison, looking at each other uncertainly.

“…Hmm. Alright. We promise—we’ll quit being thieves.”

“Not just thieves. No kidnapping, no scams, no mischief. Don’t grow up to be bad adults.”

Clearly imagining the Dragon Witch as she spoke, Hiyori’s words didn’t sit well with the three little ones, who immediately began complaining.

“Ehh~? But like, we grew up on dirty money from pops, y’know? Don’t go acting like that’s a bad thing.”

“Ode’s never been helped by a good grown-up even once. The ones who gave me food were always debt collectors.”

“We’re what you’d call necessary evils, y’know?”

As they made these grim and world-weary declarations, clearly shaped by the darker side of society, Hiyori silently reached to take back the signed papers—and the shadow-aligned stoat kids panicked.

“Wah! Nooo! We want the autograph!”

“But Ode heard the Blue Witch killed a bunch of people…”

“C’mon, don’t be so uptight. What’s so wrong with doing bad stuff? It’s cool, isn’t it?”

“Bad things are bad because they are bad. Got it? First, try living as a good person. Put in the effort. And if the day ever comes where you truly must do something bad—well, then that’s life. You live long enough, and someday, you might even have to kill someone you love with your own hands.”

Hiyori’s heavy words carried such force that even the defiant little stoats were left speechless.

Yeah, no kidding. The woman who literally killed me and Iruma together—her words have serious weight when it comes to kids.

“First, learn how to live well. You can always fall to evil later. So stop doing bad things, and try to grow into a decent adult.”

“…Huh. Not sure I get it, but if someone like the Blue Witch says so…”

“…So it’s like, ‘Know your enemy before you turn to evil,’ or something?”

“…She sounds just like my pops…”

Each one responded differently, but all three grudgingly accepted the condition and swore not to do anything bad anymore.

Hiyori didn’t scold them any further and quietly signed the slips of paper they had offered. The trio clutched the autographs to their chests and began hopping around with joy.

They’re cheeky little stoats, but honestly—they’re adorable. Don’t go causing trouble again, got it? Someday, grow into proper adults and buy my staff with your own hard-earned money.

“Satisfied now? Then go straight home. I don’t know how you snuck in here, but…”

“Mimimi? You’re letting the thieves go? Even though they’re thieves?”

“Oof, a righteous punch. That’s the ugly side of adulthood, Mokutan. But let’s not get too picky—you did destroy the door handle, so technically that’s property damage.”

As I tried to soothe the slightly sulky Mokutan, the stoats bounced over to a corner of the warehouse.

“Hey, the door’s over here.”

“Ah, we’re good. We’re taking the back way out.”

“Huh?”

Acchan said something that didn’t make sense—then suddenly, he slipped into the corner of the room and vanished.

Next, Bokk’n clutched his signed scrap like a priceless treasure, then shlorp—he too disappeared into the same corner.

Finally, Odecchi squished his chubby body into the corner and vanished just like the others.

“…Huh?”

We stared in disbelief at the bizarre phenomenon we had just witnessed.

I reached out to touch the spot where they’d disappeared—but all I found was a solid wall and floor.

There were no gaps or openings where they could have hidden or passed through.

They hadn’t cast any spells.

They weren’t wearing any magic gear.

And yet—they vanished like magic.

When I looked over at Hiyori, she was just as dumbfounded.

Right? This is weird, isn’t it? They just vanished like it was nothing.

“What was that…?”

“Mimimi, they disappeared!”

“If neither of us knows, then I sure as hell don’t. I feel like I just got tricked by a fox. Well… by a stoat.”

We stood there dumbfounded for a while, but it wasn’t like waiting would bring them back. So we just tilted our heads in confusion and made our way back to the VIP room.

They were strange little stoats with mysterious magic. Annoying little brats, sure—but clearly equipped with some kind of special abilities if they were able to sneak into a super-secure, ultra-rich-only auction.

Definitely not to be underestimated.

Well, whatever. I can probably ask Professor Ohinata about them later—she’s been dealing with stoats way longer than any of us. Probably.

Anyway, back to the auction. That little side trip took longer than expected, but we’d made it back in time for the main event:

The bidding war for the latest 0933 staff—the Golden Scepter of Perfection.

Targeted by the infamous Phantom Stoat Gang… just how high would the price soar?

From the comfort of the VIP room, I planned to watch it all unfold.

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