Chapter 45: False Accusations and the Banana-Mimic
The underground prison was dim, damp, and suffocating.
A foul stench hung thick in the stagnant air—an odor so putrid it felt as though something had been rotting there for years. Simply breathing was enough to make a person’s stomach churn.
I threw my head back and shouted at the top of my lungs.
“I’m innocenttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt—Guh! Cough! Ugh—!”
“Eight-sama, if you wish to suppress your nausea in this dungeon, the trick is to breathe through your mouth.”
“Uugh… I’ve been doing that this whole time. But then the air slips out through my nose and I end up wanting to puke anyway…”
“I understand exactly how you feel.”
Tardolf, who had been thrown into the same cell as me, looked remarkably calm despite being arrested out of nowhere by the knights.
…Or so I thought.
Looking closer, his legs were shaking so violently they looked ready to collapse beneath him.
“Tardolf-san, are you scared too?”
“Of course I am!! What fool wouldn’t be terrified after being arrested for a crime he didn’t commit!?”
“Thank goodness!! I’m glad I’m not the only one freaking out here!!”
And then—
A familiar voice drifted over from outside the bars.
“Still smells just as awful as ever down here.”
“Huh? Hijiri!?”
“Hey there, Eight-kun. I came to ask a few questions. First, though—here’s a little gift. A Banana Mimic.”
“Oh, thank you very much. …A Banana Mimic?”
Hijiri approached the cell and passed something banana-shaped through the iron bars.
Suspicious but curious, I peeled back the skin.
The moment I did, I froze.
At the tip of the banana sat a single eyeball.
It rolled around wildly, its gaze darting in every direction before locking directly onto mine.
Our eyes met.
I immediately let out a horrified squeak.
“Eek!”
“It looks disgusting, but the taste and texture are exactly like a banana. It’s a delicious monster.”
He paused.
“Though it does look disgusting. Go on, eat it.”
“You said that twice…”
I stared at the thing with deep reluctance.
Still, it was rude to reject a gift.
Swallowing my fear, I clasped my hands together dramatically.
“Namu-san!!”
Then I bit into it.
“Whoa, it’s good!! It’s soft and sticky, with a gentle sweetness! …Huh? Wait, why does my tongue feel tingly…?”
“Hiya.”
“Guh!”
Just as I was about to swallow the surprisingly tasty Banana Mimic, something slammed into the side of my neck.
The sudden chop forced me to spit everything out.
Clutching my throat, I glared at Hijiri.
“That hurt!!”
“Sorry, sorry. But that Banana Mimic contains a fairly potent poison. You mustn’t swallow it.”
He smiled casually.
“You’d die.”
“What kind of lunatic brings that as a gift!?”
“Ahaha, my bad. It’s considered a luxury snack. People enjoy the flavor without swallowing it.”
He folded his arms.
“But thanks to that, you’ve been cleared as a suspect.”
…Huh?
What was he talking about?
“His Majesty’s symptoms closely resembled poisoning caused by consuming a small amount of Banana Mimic toxin. If you already knew about its poisonous properties, you wouldn’t have tried to swallow it. Therefore, you’re innocent.”
“I mean, I’m happy to be declared innocent, but couldn’t you have found literally any other way to test that!?”
“Tardolf-sama, can you think of anything?”
Ignoring my protest entirely, Hijiri turned his attention toward Tardolf.
He seriously ignored me!
“No.”
Tardolf shook his head firmly.
“There is no chance I would use something as dangerous as a Banana Mimic in food meant for His Majesty. One accidental swallow would cause disaster.”
“I see, I see.”
“Um… when exactly are we getting out of here?”
“Hmmm. I’d like you to prepare yourselves for waiting a bit longer.”
Hijiri shrugged apologetically.
From what he explained, the knights still hadn’t caught whoever had actually attempted to assassinate the king.
Allowing such a criminal to remain at large was apparently a major blow to the Order’s reputation.
Well, that made sense.
Back in Japan, whenever a criminal remained uncaught for too long, people often talked about the police losing face. This seemed like the same sort of situation.
Then a horrifying thought occurred to me.
“Wait. If they never catch the real culprit, then what happens to us…?”
“Then you’ll probably be executed in their place.”
Hijiri answered with alarming ease.
“The Kingdom of Elde is more reasonable than most neighboring nations, but this world still operates on values closer to medieval Europe. The philosophy here is less ‘innocent until proven guilty’ and more ‘better to punish the suspicious.’”
“This is exactly why low-civilization societies are the worst!!”
“You speak very politely most of the time, Eight-kun, but your mouth gets surprisingly foul when you’re upset.”
“Wouldn’t you get angry if you were about to be executed for a crime you didn’t commit!?”
Hijiri laughed awkwardly.
“Well, don’t worry too much.”
A confident grin appeared on his face.
“As thanks for that delicious hotpot you served yesterday, I’ll prove your innocence.”
“Hijiri…!”
My eyes sparkled.
“You really are a good person underneath all that suspiciousness!”
“Oh, but you should still mentally prepare yourself.”
“Huh?”
“Tardolf-sama is a noble, so he’d probably get the guillotine.”
He pointed at me.
“But you’re a commoner. Being drawn and quartered by oxen would be more appropriate.”
“I TAKE IT BACK!!”
I grabbed the bars and screamed.
“Drawn and quartered!? You mean tied to oxen and ripped apart from the crotch!? Absolutely not! I hate pain! If I have to die, give me the guillotine too! At least let it be painless!”
“…Eight-kun.”
Hijiri tilted his head.
“Are you perhaps not very afraid of death itself?”
“Huh?”
I blinked.
“Well… people die eventually, don’t they? Once you’re dead, that’s the end.”
That wasn’t what terrified me.
Pain terrified me.
If I had to put it into words, what I truly feared was the suffering that came before death.
The agony leading up to the final moment.
That was what I couldn’t bear.
“What made you start thinking that way?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh?”
Hijiri smirked mischievously.
“You’re always eager to learn about other people’s pasts, yet you’re secretive about your own. You’ve got quite the personality, don’t you?”
“Hey, if someone tells me they don’t want to talk about something, I drop it.”
Still chuckling to himself, Hijiri turned and left the dungeon.
A moment later, another visitor appeared as though trading places with him.
It was Raphiel.
“Eight, I’ve come to visit.”
She held something out.
“Here. A gift. A banana.”
“Is bringing bananas to prisoners some kind of trend now?”
“Is it?”
Remembering the horrifying Banana Mimic from earlier, I eyed the fruit with deep suspicion before carefully peeling it.
Inside was…
Just a completely normal banana.
No eyeballs.
No wriggling parts.
No hidden horrors.
Just a banana.
I nearly cried from relief.
Taking a bite, I nodded happily.
“Mmm. Delicious. As expected, bananas are best when the peel starts turning dark and they’re fully ripe.”
“It came from your house.”
Raphiel folded her hands.
“Is there anything else you need?”
“…An acquittal, maybe?”
“At this very moment, Larsa is mobilizing the full strength of the temple’s investigation team.”
Her expression grew serious.
“And if the worst should happen, I will use my authority and force a solution. Please don’t worry too much.”
For a moment—
Just for a moment—
Raphiel genuinely looked like a saint.
“More importantly, I already informed the knights that they should prepare themselves if they intend to execute you.”
“Prepare themselves?”
“Amate and Hinoka were absolutely furious.”
Raphiel sighed.
“They declared that if any harm comes to you, they will unleash every cursed object stored in your warehouse and destroy the entire kingdom.”
…Ah.
Right.
That.
Although Raphiel had purified most of the cursed objects stored on the first floor, countless others still remained sealed away in our warehouse.
There was still the second floor.
And the underground level.
Enough dangerous relics to make anyone’s skin crawl.
Outside of shrines and sacred grounds, both Hinoka and Amate became significantly weaker.
To compensate, they had apparently decided to wage war through sheer quantity—using mountains of cursed objects as weapons.
The two of them always lost their heads whenever I was involved.
At this rate, I absolutely had to return safely to Papel Village.
Otherwise things could get very, very bad.
As for Eve…
Well…
She’d probably help spread the cursed objects around simply because it sounded entertaining.
“Please rest easy, Eight.”
Raphiel suddenly struck a dramatic pose.
“Truth is always singular! I swear it upon my grandfather’s name!”
“You mixed them together!! Raphiel, you’re mixing up your references!!”
“Now then, I shall continue the investigation.”
Apparently satisfied that she’d finally gotten to say the line she’d always wanted to use, Raphiel skipped happily out of the dungeon with a spring in her step.
As her footsteps faded away, Tardolf—who had remained unusually quiet the entire time—finally spoke.
“…Eight-sama, there is something I wish to ask.”
“Ah, sure. What is it?”
His eyes suddenly gleamed.
“Earlier, Hijiri-sama mentioned something called hotpot.”
“Huh?”
“What exactly is this ‘hotpot’!?”
He slammed both hands against the bars.
“And why was I not invited!?”
“That’s what you want to talk about right now!?”
I couldn’t believe it.
“Couldn’t we discuss literally anything else!?”
Just moments ago, the man’s legs had been shaking so badly he looked ready to faint from fear.
Yet the instant food entered the conversation, all that terror vanished.
Professional chefs really were a different breed.