Chapter 99: If I Had to Name It, “Roast-Pork Maidens”
“…Huh? What was I…?”
Kikkōryū Junna finally awakened, murmuring quietly.
She’d remained silent while roasting beneath the sun, but once she was groaning in the garden, I’d conducted an interview.
As a result of my patient and considerate requests, she declared, “I’ll be honest,” so after recording our exchange, I released her from the clothesline pole.
My goodness. She’d resisted somewhat, but once her consciousness grew hazy, a little brainwas—persuasion made her surrender easily. That helped tremendously.
After collecting a reasonable amount of information, she was officially promoted from a resident of the clothesline pole back to a human being.
She currently sat on the sofa with her hands and feet bound in a slightly unusual manner.
Meiko and I stood imposingly over Kikkōryū Junna.
“Good morning. Kikkōryū Junna, do you understand your current condition?”
“…! You’re planning to assault me, aren’t you!? Like in an erotic doujin!”
“Meiko.”
“Got it.”
At my command, Meiko struck the daughter’s head with the paper fan on my behalf.
It made an excellent smack, and the daughter groaned. She seemed to find it far more painful than a newspaper fan should be. Was there some technique involved?
After watching that, I continued.
“I’ll explain because I must. Apparently, your Kikkōryū clan possesses an aptitude for Water Release.”
“Tch. As expected of the Nekoyanagi clan. You’ve researched us well.”
“Meiko had nothing to do with that. Your father confessed within seconds.”
“Dad!?”
Her father answered his daughter’s cry with a slightly pathetic smile.
He was engaged in the task Meiko assigned him, removing edamame pods from their stems.
The garden edamame was at the perfect stage for eating. I remembered Niwashita-san cheering happily, “Beer! Beer!”
“Now for the important part. At present, the Sea God’s sacred orb—a power governing water—dwells inside you. Your aptitude for Water Release has probably become extraordinary.”
“What?”
At my words, Kikkōryū Junna hurriedly closed her eyes as if searching for the source of her power.
…We were casually discussing Water Release as though it were natural. Did ninjas generally possess such special abilities?
Thinking calmly, even ordinary humans possessed distinct traits to various degrees, so being able to use a little ninjutsu probably remained within ordinary limits.
That was how I would interpret it—for the sake of my perfectly ordinary “childhood friend.”
As I thought that, Kikkōryū Junna pouted unhappily.
“Liar. I don’t feel any power inside me. I’m still the same kunoichi who can’t properly use Water Release and has nothing but youth, cuteness, and a good figure…”
“…”
Stop provoking her. Meiko is gripping the paper fan and repeatedly glancing at me for permission.
I spoke calmly to the kunoichi who had begun humble-bragging.
“That is because, for certain reasons, we have sealed your ability.”
“What? Sealed!?”
Yes. Sealed.
Both my judgment and the hallucination’s confirmed that the Sea God’s sacred orb’s power inhabited Kikkōryū Junna.
Precisely because that was certain, we couldn’t allow her to use it indiscriminately.
With utterly talentless Kuwajima, the worst result had been a flooded house. If someone with genuine talent began rampaging, the consequences would be intolerable.
We would be staying at this villa for nearly another week, and I didn’t want anything to happen to it.
Therefore, before she caused a problem, we sealed her ability while she was unconscious.
Yes, by the hand of a certain woman with a certain ability.
“…Fuhahahaha. Minion Number One, why am I still bound together with her? You surely have a satisfactory explanation.”
“I needed your power. Forgive me, Lady Goetheschwarz Sanzen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin.”
“I cannot accept this.”
Kuwajima, whom everyone had avoided mentioning, sat beside Kikkōryū Junna.
She had been wrapped together with her in many layers of black bandage, their bodies pressed tightly against each other.
What was this situation called? A yuri sandwich?
“Definitely not. If I had to name it, I’d call them ‘roast-pork maidens.'”
“I see. Impressive, Meiko.”
“That clearly wasn’t praise! Personal resentment entered the description!”
Meiko smiled brightly at Kuwajima.
Kuwajima’s cheek twitched slightly.
I should explain briefly.
We hadn’t wrapped these two together in black bandages as harassment.
Kuwajima’s black bandage, the “Black Chains of Restraint,” inflicted the Curse of Chuunibyou when equipped.
This created a loophole allowing us to forcibly overwrite Kuwajima with the Curse of Chuunibyou no matter how strange she became, but there was a problem.
The bandage was exclusive equipment for Kuwajima.
Binding Kuwajima with it rendered her powerless, but binding anyone else did nothing.
In other words, the black bandage alone couldn’t eliminate the possibility of Kikkōryū Junna rampaging.
So I’d thought about it.
The result was the condition the hallucination displayed.
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“Kuwajima Taeko”
E: “Kikkōryū Junna With the Sea God’s Sacred Orb”
E: “Black Chains of Restraint”
Condition: Curse of Chuunibyou
Comment: “When equipment has conflicting special effects, the more compatible effect takes priority!”
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“In other words, by first making Kuwajima ‘equip Kikkōryū Junna,’ then equipping her with the black bandages, we could turn her into a ‘powerless state’ devoid of special abilities, including the special effects of the equipped Kikkōryū Junna.”
“Hey, where did my human rights go in that explanation?”
“Who decided possessing human rights prevented someone from being equipped?”
Honestly, the odds of it working hadn’t been fifty-fifty; they’d been considerably worse.
But it worked, so it couldn’t be helped.
I couldn’t tell whether Kikkōryū Junna was impressive for being equipable or Kuwajima was impressive for being able to equip her.
“Minion Number One, have I committed a sin deserving such treatment?”
“This isn’t resentment. It’s pure optimization. Your feelings weren’t considered.”
“That’s even worse!”
The only problem was that Kuwajima, whom I’d lectured inside her mental world until recently, continued looking close to tears.
But it would only last until Kikkōryū Junna agreed to cooperate. Forgive me.
“I’ll speak plainly. Kikkōryū Junna, lend us your power for our objective.”
“Hah! I don’t really understand the situation, but this doesn’t remotely resemble the attitude of someone asking for help! I refuse!”
When I directly requested her assistance, Kikkōryū Junna resisted exactly as expected.
Since she remained defiant under these circumstances, she apparently didn’t remember her disgraceful behavior earlier.
Therefore, I played the words of “honest Kikkōryū Junna” that I’d recorded in advance in the garden.
“Junna’s gonna marry Teru-chan! I absolutely, absolutely will!”
“Abyah!?”
Kikkōryū Junna’s face alternated rapidly between red and blue.
Then she looked at me with a frightened, questioning gaze.
I smiled as gently as possible.
“You’re free to refuse to cooperate. And I’m equally free to distribute this recording to every relevant party. Don’t you agree, Kikkōryū Junna?”
I disliked violence.
Let’s resolve this peacefully through dialogue, shall we?
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Author’s Note: Compared with our previous methods, this one was quite ordinary!