Chapter 37: I Wanted to Become Nekoyanagi-san’s Childhood Friend Too!!
“And now then, we shall proceed to an explanation of the rules for the Childhood Friend Derby… courtesy of Kuwajima-san, who also happens to be Nekoyanagi-san’s close friend!”
Once a sufficient audience had gathered, we finally moved on to explaining the event rules.
Unfortunately, we hadn’t been able to prepare anything as refined as a proper stage, so we were instead using a slightly raised patch of ground as a makeshift platform.
Well, the announcers and moderators at least had seats behind the long table set up nearby.
Now then.
With the microphone suddenly handed to her, Kuwajima let out a soft breath, wore a smile brimming with theatrical composure, and proudly began her declaration.
“Very well! This Three-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Thirty-In Goethe Schwarz shall now illuminate the nature of this grand amusement! This gathering exists to proclaim the eternal bond shared with my ally and servant, Zwei—Nekoyanagi Meiko! Those who seek the honor of standing beside her must overcome the trials that now descend upon them one after another. Ascend the staircase of memories engraved upon the soul itself, and only the one who bears true blessings shall be acknowledged as Zwei’s genuine kindred spirit!”
“And now, Taketsuru-san with the Kumamoto dialect translation?”
“Me!? Uh… basically, we’re gonna ask quiz questions about Nekoyanagi-san, and the contestants answer them. Whoever gets the most points in the end will officially be recognized as her ‘childhood friend’—though honestly, now that I say it out loud, that’s not really how childhood friends work, is it?”
“Thank you very much! In other words, this is a merciless battle to determine who understands Nekoyanagi-san’s feelings best, shares the deepest memories with her, and can make her happiest—the true test of the ultimate ‘childhood friend!’”
Whose idea was it to make Kuwajima the explainer?
…Mine, wasn’t it?
Just letting her speak wasted an absurd amount of time.
We had secured permission to use the courtyard, but not for an especially long period.
We still needed to clean everything up and vacate before nightfall.
Move things along, move things along.
No, Kuwajima, not that kind of wrapping. Take the bandages off already.
“And now, let us introduce the two brave challengers who shall face these trials!!”
At last, the attention of the audience shifted toward me and Inugashi, both of us already being publicly humiliated beyond recovery.
Barasaka-san, the commentator, hesitated slightly before turning toward me first.
“Entry Number One! The Disappointing Prince who suddenly appeared at this university! A man widely praised for being enjoyable to admire from a distance, but impossible to understand up close! Rumored to hold the undisputed number-one ranking in ‘largest drop in popularity among female students since enrollment!’ First-year student—Kirishiro Gouto!!!”
“I am merely an utterly ordinary university student you could find anywhere.”
“Yes, yes, thank you for the usual nonsense! Nevertheless, his status as Nekoyanagi-san’s ‘childhood friend’ is already famous across campus, so expectations are high that he’ll demonstrate overwhelming childhood-friend power here today!!”
The fact that I was an utterly ordinary university student should have been self-evident, but apparently that understanding had not yet spread to people who weren’t personally involved with me.
Well, that was fine.
There was no need to rush.
Over the course of four years at this university, the truth would naturally permeate the student body little by little.
For now, I simply needed to pass this “Childhood Friend Derby” and move one step closer to becoming truly ordinary.
“And next, Entry Number Two! The mysterious figure who has recently become the talk of the campus! The true identity behind the wanted-poster ninja distributed from parts unknown! A suspicious individual whose surprisingly toned physique has become a topic of speculation! Inugashi Kaito!!”
“T-There’s no such thing as ninjas in the modern world!!”
“And yet the more he desperately insists upon that perfectly reasonable statement, the more everyone around him starts thinking, ‘Wait… maybe he actually is one?’! It is his self-proclaimed status as Nekoyanagi-san’s childhood friend that has sparked this very battle! Can he seize the title of childhood friend away from Kirishiro-kun!?”
I genuinely couldn’t tell whether Inugashi possessed nerves of steel or none at all.
He looked exactly like someone thinking:
“This is my first time being publicly displayed as a bizarre spectacle before a massive crowd!”
Though honestly, “massive crowd” was an exaggeration.
There were maybe a hundred people here at most.
Why would anyone feel nervous over something like that?
At the very least, I’d like to hear someone say that after standing before two hundred thousand spectators.
“And while many others stepped forward to declare themselves candidates for the position of childhood friend, they unfortunately failed the document screening process! Thus, these two alone have advanced to the main tournament!! To everyone who was eliminated, please continue supporting your favorites from the sidelines!”
“This is a rigged event!!”
“I wanted to become Nekoyanagi-san’s childhood friend too!!”
“Kick Kirishiro out and let me competeeee!!”
“Shut up! All you losing dogs can sit there sucking your thumbs and watch! Now then, since we’re running short on time, let’s quickly hear a comment from Nekoyanagi-san herself. Nekoyanagi-san, any words for our two challengers?”
“Wouldn’t it be easier if we just killed the dog one?”
“Thank you very much! With those inspiring words of encouragement delivered, let’s begin immediately!!”
Barasaka-san’s commentary skills really were impressive.
He claimed he wasn’t suited for moderation, but honestly, he seemed perfectly capable.
At this rate, Taketsuru and Kuwajima might not even get a chance to participate—
…No.
Even though Barasaka-san had enthusiastically declared the start of the event, he apparently forgot to prepare the next cue card and immediately began panicking.
Unable to watch the disaster unfold, Taketsuru smoothly grabbed the microphone and stepped in to save things.
“Ahem. We’ll now be presenting ten questions related to Nekoyanagi-san. Each correct answer earns ten points, and whoever has the highest total at the end wins. The content of the questions and their answers have all been verified with Nekoyanagi-san beforehand.”
That was one of the primary reasons I’d left the actual event preparations in Meiko’s hands.
If I became too deeply involved in the planning itself, people might accuse me of already knowing the answers from the start.
Not that cheating would necessarily have been a problem.
But as an utterly ordinary university student, it simply wasn’t the sort of conduct that deserved praise.
A true contest ought to be fought honorably.
“Kuhahaha! If you dare call yourself an old ally of hers, then riddles of this level are no more than child’s play! Try not to disgrace yourselves too badly!”
“So anyway… you guys good?”
I had no idea how Taketsuru interpreted Kuwajima’s nonsense into “so anyway,” but naturally there was nothing to worry about.
As Meiko’s ‘childhood friend,’ I had spent considerable effort building up our relationship.
That’s right.
Before entering this university, the two of us had painstakingly synchronized every aspect of our “childhood friend” settings.
Shared memories.
Stories of the past.
Conversations about the future.
Likes.
Dislikes.
Countless details and layers of constructed familiarity.
We had already completed the necessary groundwork.
We had surpassed ordinary childhood friends and become true “childhood friends.”
I could confidently declare that there was nothing about Meiko I did not understand.
“There’s no problem on my end.”
I answered with absolute confidence.
Beside me, Inugashi—who possessed a completely different set of memories with Meiko—also puffed out his chest and declared boldly:
“Same here! I’ll show you the strength of a real childhood friend!”
Certainly.
Given the sheer amount of time he’d spent with her, he probably possessed some natural advantage.
Still…
Hmph.
He could struggle uselessly all he wanted.
That was what I was thinking—
Right as another hallucination abruptly popped into existence before my eyes.
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『Inugashi Kaito』
Current Projected Correct Answer Rate: 0%
Event Excitement Level: Funeral Atmosphere
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…Excuse me?
Without thinking, I rubbed my eyes.
Then I focused again on Inugashi, rereading the floating hallucination that had appeared out of nowhere.
The information displayed there did not change.
…Wait.
Hold on.
Hold on just one second, Inugashi.
Your projected correct answer rate is zero?
You genuinely understand nothing about Meiko?
No, wait.
That part itself wasn’t the issue.
Judging from Meiko’s attitude, it was easy to imagine that these two had spent years continually misunderstanding one another.
So the idea that he completely failed to understand her honestly wasn’t shocking at all.
The fact that he was fundamentally unqualified as a childhood friend was hardly surprising.
But from the perspective of event management, this was a catastrophe.
An event required a certain amount of staged wrestling.
It was fine if I ultimately won.
But a complete one-sided stomp would kill the excitement.
For a competition to become entertaining, the audience needed the feeling that they didn’t know who would win.
That uncertainty was essential.
This wasn’t the “overpowered protagonist dominates effortlessly” genre.
And if the event failed to excite people, then future events themselves would be put at risk.
This event wasn’t being held to generate profit.
Not primarily, anyway.
But that didn’t mean profitability was irrelevant.
Human beings became brutally practical whenever money entered the picture.
No matter how kind-hearted someone might be, eventually they stopped extending generosity to people who brought them nothing but burdens.
Even if nobody demanded profit, earning something was still better than earning nothing.
Success was preferable to failure.
Excitement was preferable to boredom.
Even the tiny food stalls deserved the chance to thrive.
My relationship with the Planning and Event Management Club had only just begun.
For the sake of my perfectly ordinary future school festival, I needed to steadily build trust with them until I possessed enough influence to participate in festival planning itself.
That was my long-term objective.
Which meant this important first step absolutely could not end in disastrous failure.
A result where I scored perfectly while Inugashi earned zero points—
Such nonsense was utterly unacceptable!!
“There’s no problem, but I do have one proposal.”
“Oh? Was that in the script?”
Don’t call it a script, Taketsuru.
Inside my head, I rapidly and calmly calculated ways to somehow help Inugashi score points before speaking.
“Even if it’s a quiz, shouldn’t there be some kind of hint system? Like asking the audience for help or receiving multiple-choice options. Pure free-response questions might lack excitement.”
Naturally, I had no need for such things.
Even if there happened to be slight inconsistencies between Meiko’s answers and our previous synchronization sessions, I was still confident I could maintain at least an eighty-percent accuracy rate.
But Inugashi—
At this rate, the guy literally wasn’t going to answer a single question correctly!!
“Uhhh… Kuwajima-san, what do you think?”
“I permit it! Entertain me to your hearts’ content!”
For some reason, Kuwajima’s approval was apparently all that mattered.
As a result, both Inugashi and I were granted the right to request hints three times each during the quiz.
That meant six hints total.
With six opportunities, combining his hints and mine, I should be able to drag Inugashi up to at least sixty points somehow.
This should barely be enough to preserve the illusion of a competitive match…!
“Hahaha! How pathetic, Kirishiro Gouto! A true childhood friend requires no hints whatsoever! Though I suppose this merely serves as an appropriate handicap for you! Hahahahaha!”
“I’ll kill you.”
“!?”
Oops.
That was dangerous.
I was an utterly ordinary university student.
Casually considering murder as a solution was not good behavior at all.
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At this point, absolutely nobody had any idea who was going to win.