Chapter 22: Somebody! Please, Save Her!!
“So then, Meiko… what do we even do about this?”
“What do we do, huh…”
For once, both Meiko and I were completely at a loss.
As an utterly ordinary college student you could find anywhere, I considered myself fairly experienced in handling confusing and unreasonable situations.
At the very least, I liked to think I possessed a broad understanding of the proper “ordinary” responses required for most incidents.
And yet—
The spectacle currently unfolding before my eyes had exceeded my expectations by quite a bit.
Even someone as consistently normal as me was genuinely troubled.
Which meant this situation was, objectively speaking, very bad.
And when even Meiko—our resident advisor on all things “normal”—had no idea what to do, then frankly, there was no helping it anymore.
In fact, she’d become so rattled that she’d accidentally dropped her refined act altogether and reverted back to sounding like some delinquent underling.
Now then.
Let’s look at the scene in front of us.
Because this was what we were currently dealing with.
“W-would you please stop already!? Chuunibyou is embarrassing once you’re in college! It’s time to spend money on fashionable clothes and normal hobbies! How long are you planning to keep wasting money on fake cursed items and replica weapons!?”
“Fu-ku-ku… how pitiful. To deny your true self for the sake of appearances is hideous indeed. Fashion should exist for one’s own satisfaction. Why concern yourself with the gaze of the masses? One should simply wear what one loves… just as I do with this magnificent dress.”
“Wh—ha!? No sane adult admires frilly gothic lolita dresses covered in gold embroidery and pitch-black fabric! Humans are social creatures! We live while being judged by society around us!”
“And what exactly has this so-called society ever done for you? Why cling to a group that mocks the things you cherish? Accept it already. I am your reflection. Your true heart. The way I live is the way you truly wish to live yourself.”
“I told you I graduated from this stuff back in middle schooool!!”
Since earlier, Kuwajima and Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama had been locked in a relentless argument, neither willing to back down an inch.
Now then.
The first question was naturally:
What exactly is this situation?
As always, the hallucination provided the answer immediately.
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『Kuwajima Taeko』
Embarrassment Sensitivity: Higher than average
Transformation Desire: Secretly still exists
Condition: Normal
※ The “Curse of Chuunibyou” was repelled outward, restoring normality.
※ However, the expelled curse developed an independent personality due to years of accumulated experience.
──────────
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『Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama』
Species: Something resembling a spiritual entity
Special Abilities: None
Magical Aptitude: None
Personality: Extremely timid indoors
※ A being manifested from Kuwajima Taeko’s “Curse of Chuunibyou” gaining independent will.
※ Despite the dramatic speech patterns, possesses absolutely no special powers whatsoever. Merely loud.
──────────
So.
Kuwajima’s curse had been expelled—
And Kuwajima Number Two had been born.
Apparently she was some kind of intangible spiritual hallucination-like existence.
…Hallucination?
A hallucination displaying information about another hallucination?
Was this philosophy now?
Well, regardless, all of this was probably the result of the Holy Sword’s curse-repelling effect activating in a very strange way.
Nobody had anticipated this outcome.
But now that it had happened, there was little point complaining about it.
I had absolutely no idea how we were supposed to resolve this mess.
Still, standing here forever while the two Kuwajimas screamed at each other like children wasn’t productive either.
So I stepped directly between them.
“Calm down. Kuwajima. Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama. Arguing here will solve nothing.”
“U-uh… you’re right.”
“U-umu…”
Just moments ago they had both been barking ferociously at one another—
Yet the instant I stepped in between them, both immediately quieted down.
Like puppies instantly behaving after their owner scolded them.
Though honestly, was that kind of reaction really acceptable for Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama’s character setting?
Once both sides had settled down, I moved straight to the main issue.
“So. Now that you’ve calmed down… let me confirm something first. Your curse is gone now, right, Kuwajima?”
“Um… yes. There’s still a lot I don’t really understand, but… I’m sorry for causing everyone trouble.”
“That’s fine. I merely behaved in a perfectly ordinary manner. If you were saved, then that alone is enough for me. I’m truly glad you’re okay, Kuwajima.”
“Eh… ah… y-yes…”
For now, that resolved Kuwajima’s side of the problem.
Which meant—
The remaining issue was this Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama over here.
“So then, Kuwajima. What do you want to do about this Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama?”
“What do you mean…?”
“I mean whether we leave her alone… or erase her completely so no future problems remain.”
“!?”
“Pi!?“
The moment I proposed the obvious solution, Kuwajima stared at me in horror while Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama let out a strange squeaking noise.
…Had I said something strange?
“Y-you fool! You intend to erase me from existence!? What are you thinking!?”
“Nothing beyond the literal meaning of my words.”
“H-how can you calmly talk about erasing a person!?”
“Hahaha. Nice joke.”
Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama said some truly bizarre things.
A curse was not a person.
Even if it had taken physical form, that fact did not change.
Therefore, Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama was not human.
Meaning there was absolutely no risk of me being charged with murder.
“A-ah… um… and how exactly would you erase her?”
As Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama slowly began edging farther away from me in visible fear, Kuwajima nervously asked the question in her place.
“That Holy Sword over there has a curse-repelling effect, right? If its wielder used it properly, destroying a curse entirely should be possible.”
“…? Wielder?”
“That sword? Taketsuru accidentally brought it back with him when he returned to Japan.”
Now that her curse had been lifted, there was no longer any need to dance around the truth.
The instant I explained the situation, Kuwajima collapsed forward in despair.
“How did I not realize that myself!?”
Honestly, I agreed.
So.
That meant it should now be possible to completely erase Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama permanently.
When I glanced over at her—
At some point she had apparently attempted to flee, only to somehow end up captured by Meiko.
More specifically, Meiko had her trapped in something resembling a professional wrestling submission hold, wrenching her joints with alarming enthusiasm.
“Nuugugugugu! R-release me! H-how are you even able to grab me, you fool!? I am a spiritual entity! Why can I still feel pain!?”
“Ninja Art: Shadow Binding Technique… or something like that?”
“NINJUTSU DOESN’T EXIST IN THIS WORLD—GYAAAAAH!”
“Right? Yeah, that’s what I thought too.”
I agreed with that as well.
Apparently when the ninja gradient became strong enough, things like this could happen.
Still, the important thing was that she’d been captured.
At least there was no longer any risk of escape.
So I turned back toward Kuwajima once more.
“So. What’ll it be? Personally, now that you’re no longer cursed, I don’t particularly care what happens to Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama. What do you want to do?”
“I…”
After agonizing over the decision for a long time—
Kuwajima chose to have Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama erased.
Meanwhile, the captured Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama stared at her with tear-filled eyes while hanging limply in Meiko’s hold.
Like a helpless fawn begging not to be abandoned.
But the decision had been Kuwajima’s.
And so—
I decided to summon Taketsuru to this location.
First, I casually sent him a message on my phone.
Then, after confirming that there was “no reply whatsoever,” I began preparations.
“Well then. We shall now commence the Ritual of Summoning Taketsuru.”
“Hey, Gouto-kun… Taketsuru-kun didn’t respond at all though. Is this really okay?”
“Do not worry, Meiko. The message I sent said: ‘I’m about to summon you. If there’s no problem, ignore this message.’”
“That sounds exactly like the kind of thing you’re absolutely not allowed to do in contracts.”
I had no idea what she meant.
We had definitely been messaging normally earlier, and there was no reason he couldn’t see his phone.
If there were a problem, he obviously would’ve replied.
The fact that he ignored it clearly meant there was no issue.
Therefore:
Perfectly valid.
And so, I immediately began the summoning process.
The method had already been explained by the hallucination.
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『Holy Sword Neuralmancer』
Emergency Function:
When a heartfelt cry for help echoes before the Holy Sword, its wielder shall appear from wherever they may be and sweep aside all hardships!
Current Feelings:
“I DON’T CARE WHAT IT TAKES, JUST CALL YUU ALREADY!!!”
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“So long as I sincerely cry out for Taketsuru’s help, the Holy Sword will hear my plea and summon its wielder. A flawless sequence.”
“That is absolutely abusing the rules. You’re totally twisting the conditions on purpose so they technically count.”
“If it works, then that is justice.”
I truly did want someone to solve this situation.
And if Taketsuru was the only person capable of doing so, then his summoning was inevitable.
Besides, this entire disaster was fundamentally his fault anyway for not understanding his own weapon’s abilities.
Actually, if he had simply come with us from the beginning, none of this would have happened.
As such—
My heart was astonishingly calm.
…No.
Calmness would not do.
I needed to become a pitifully ordinary college student trembling helplessly before an overwhelming crisis, desperately crying out for salvation from the bottom of his heart.
And so—
“AAAAAAAHHHH—! H-help me! Somebody! Save her! Anyone, please! Do something about this situationnnnnnnnn!!”
“If you only looked at this scene by itself, you’d think he was some super-serious protagonist watching a loved one die after a surprise attack from a mysterious enemy. Gouto-kun is weirdly talented.”
There had been plenty of classic light novels featuring scenes exactly like this.
Naturally, my preparation was impeccable.
And then—
As though responding to my desperate cries for help—
The Holy Sword began to shine brilliantly.
Even the two gloomy Kuwajimas momentarily forgot their worries, their eyes sparkling at the utterly unreal sight unfolding before them.
A magic circle appeared in the air, eerily similar to one I’d seen long ago.
And from within emerged—
The Hero chosen by the Holy Sword itself.
Taketsuru—!!
“Eeh? You want me to close my eyes? Geez, Sumire-neesan, that’s embarrassing~. Okaaay, okay, I’m closing them already. See? Aaahn… huh? Sumire-neesan? Don’t tease meee~. Come on already, my mouth’s open, aaahn……………………………… huh?”
…
There stood Taketsuru.
Bent awkwardly at the waist.
Eyes tightly closed.
Mouth hanging open like an idiot.
Was this truly the appearance of the Hero of the Holy Sword?
While the rest of us watched him in complete silence, Taketsuru continued his one-man romantic skit for several more seconds before finally sensing that something was wrong.
Slowly—
He opened his eyes.
“…………W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL STARING AT!?!? Also where even is this!? H-Hey, what is this!? WHAT IS THIIIIIIIS!?!!?”
…
Somehow—
I felt a little bad for him.