Chapter 19: Very Well! Then Let Us Move Out, My Familiars!
The Book of Truth—or rather, the Chuunibyou Notebook as it should more accurately be called—was the crystallization of years upon years of wishes painstakingly penned by the girl formerly known as Taeko Kuwajima, alias Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz.
From around the fifth grade of elementary school all the way through the second year of middle school, over the span of four long years, she had filled a total of nine notebooks.
They were the raw, unfiltered desires of Kuwajima during the height of her chuunibyou phase.
And to her, they were the single greatest shame of her entire life.
When she moved from Kumamoto to Tokyo to attend Heidan University, there was no way she could simply leave them behind at her parents’ house.
Yet she couldn’t bring herself to burn them, either.
And so, unable to abandon them and unable to destroy them, she had carried every last volume with her to her apartment like forbidden relics she could neither forsake nor acknowledge.
When I asked Kuwajima, “Is there anything that might give us a clue about your desires?”—
this object had slipped out through her inner voice.
Out loud, she stubbornly denied it.
“There’s no such thing!”
But hallucinations could not be deceived.
Well, even then she still refused to hand it over.
So I dug up a certain memory from her high school days—
the one where she desperately tried to make friends by overhearing plans for a class karaoke outing, then casually humming an original chuunibyou song she wrote herself in hopes of drawing attention… only for everyone to react with horrified disgust.
The moment I exposed that memory, she immediately and enthusiastically surrendered the notebooks on her own.
And thus, Meiko and I acquired the bizarre scripture known as the Book of Truth.
After painstakingly deciphering the mad ravings within—ignoring countless incomprehensible passages that sounded like little more than deranged prophecy—we somehow managed to extract the following setting regarding her familiars.
According to the Book of Truth:
“Faithful servants of Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz. One male form and one female form exist, and both swear absolute loyalty to Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz. Their devotion occasionally goes a little too far and causes trouble for their master, but through her boundless mercy, Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz forgives them all—correct, my master?”
“UguAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!”
Our current location was that mysterious outdoor space where the air conditioner units roared endlessly like mechanical beasts.
Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama had insisted—absolutely insisted—that we speak privately at least once, and so Meiko and I had reluctantly retreated here with her.
Once there, Kuwajima—or rather, Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama—unleashed an explosive barrage of Kumamoto dialect that essentially translated to:
“What the hell are you actually thinking?!”
In response, I simply recited from memory the familiar settings I had learned from the notebook.
That exchange was the result.
Incidentally, there were also pages upon pages detailing the familiars’ abilities and powers.
I ignored those.
Most of it involved battles against things like “assassins of darkness lurking within the shadows,” and since such beings clearly did not exist in this world, none of it seemed particularly relevant.
“We are our master’s loyal servants. Now then, Master, why do you remain crouched upon the ground? Hold your head high with pride.”
“I have never regretted my past mistakes more than I do at this very moment…”
“Meiko, you too. If you act embarrassed, then our master will only feel even more ashamed. Come now, lift your chest…”
“Why did you correct yourself midway through that sentence?”
Because there wasn’t much chest to lift, obviously.
Still, I wasn’t worried about Meiko.
At the end of the day, she was the type who would somehow see the job through no matter how much she complained.
The one I was truly worried about was Kuwajima—the girl so overwhelmed by shame that, according to her own heart, she might eventually contemplate suicide over it.
I knew perfectly well this was a harsh method.
A brutal one, even.
But if anyone understood that things could not continue like this, it was Kuwajima herself.
Even if she couldn’t completely deny her chuunibyou impulses, she was also the person who understood the curse of chuunibyou better than anyone else.
Because she was its greatest victim.
…Fine.
Just once, I would stop acting as a familiar and speak to her as an equal human being.
“Kuwajima. You’re overthinking this situation. Why not simplify it a little?”
“Simplify it…?”
That’s right.
Right now, Kuwajima was simply bewildered by the sudden upheaval in her life.
Confused.
Panicked.
But if she calmed down, she should be able to see it more simply.
The difference between the Kuwajima of yesterday and the Kuwajima of today.
“No matter what you do, we’re telling you we’ll accept you. Isn’t it a waste to just sit there shrinking in embarrassment? Why not enjoy this situation a little more? Things you couldn’t do alone… maybe there are lots of things you can do now that there are three of us.”
That was the truth.
Until yesterday, Kuwajima had been alone.
Sure, I didn’t have any friends either, but I still had a “best friend” and a “childhood friend.”
Kuwajima had no one.
And if she truly felt shame more strongly than most people, then surely that loneliness must have weighed heavily on her too.
Places she couldn’t bring herself to go alone.
Things she couldn’t force herself to do alone.
There had to have been plenty.
But now things were different.
No matter what Kuwajima did, she now had two loyal servants who would follow her anywhere as bonus attachments.
People who would affirm her no matter what she chose.
Surely…
surely that had to feel wonderful.
“I…”
“See? We’ll stick with you until you’re satisfied. Meiko agrees too—she’s saying, ‘Yeah, exactly.’ All that’s left is for you to stand up. Or what? Is Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz really the kind of existence that ends here?”
“Hmph! As if I needed you to tell me that!”
And so Kuwajima—
No.
Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama rose to her feet.
The days of reluctantly acting out chuunibyou because of some lingering curse were over.
She would cast aside the person she had been yesterday—
and embrace chuunibyou with every ounce of her being.
“The hands of the clock shall never turn backward. Beyond this point lies a battlefield of mountains of corpses and rivers of blood. You do possess the resolve required to proceed… do you not?”
“What a foolish question. Right, Meiko?”
“I mean, I’m really not mentally prepared to that extent… haaah… there’s seriously no escaping this, huh…”
In stark contrast to the triumphant rise of Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama, Meiko still wore the eyes of a dead fish.
But that was probably within acceptable margins of error.
I believed Meiko was a girl who could deliver when it mattered.
More importantly—
without Meiko, I was the one who’d be in trouble.
“Fukuku… ha-ha-ha! Very well then! Come, my familiars! Whether we tread within temples overrun by ignorant fools, lands overflowing with decadent feasts and pleasures, or jewel-strewn graveyards dazzling in their splendor—whatever trials fate may place before us, know this! We now stand upon ground from which there is no retreat! Withdrawal shall not be permitted!”
“Meiko.”
“Yeah, yeah. In Kumamoto dialect, that means: ‘From now on we’re together, okay? Lectures, cafeteria meals, shopping trips, studying for exams—we’re doing it all together. So don’t you dare try to back out later. I absolutely won’t forgive you if you do.’”
“You’re a lifesaver.”
That’s right.
Without Meiko, I literally had no idea what Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama was talking about.
Even as loyal servants—
no, because we were loyal servants—
there was always the danger we might misinterpret our master’s words and act independently based on some completely wrong assumption.
Please, Meiko.
You’re my only hope now.
Just look at this hallucination for once and tell me—
what possible use is this woman otherwise?
──────────
『Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama』
Contact Information: Family Only
──────────
“…By the way, my master. This is something I have considered for several days now, but would it not first be necessary for us to exchange contact information for the purpose of relaying messages?”
“!? Y-You are correct!! Then remain on standby until I give the order! I conduct all things through sorcery, and therefore contracts with electronic fairies tend to suffer certain complications!”
In other words:
Hang on a second.
Muttering things like “Hm?” “Where is it?” and “What was it again?” under her breath, Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama hurriedly pulled out her smartphone and began desperately fumbling through her messaging app.
“Meiko.”
“Yes, yes.”
As Meiko patiently assisted the struggling Goetheschwarz-sama with the unfamiliar operation of her smartphone, I glanced toward the clock.
The breaks between university lectures were reasonably long, but—
…in one more minute, the next lecture would begin.
However, I had just been ordered to “remain on standby until my life ends.”
In other words…
“Ghk…”
It couldn’t be helped.
It truly couldn’t be helped.
At present, I was the loyal servant of Sansen Sanbyaku Sanjuuin Goetheschwarz-sama.
And if my master commanded it, then naturally skipping a lecture or two was only to be expected.
This was normal.
A perfectly ordinary action for a perfectly ordinary college student.
Just for now.
Just for now, this was unavoidable…!
“Kuwajima. If after all this nothing changes, then I’ll kil— …no, never mind.”
“Don’t suddenly say something terrifying!?”
That was close.
I almost said something decidedly not normal.
I was sacrificing my own normalcy to help her here.
So if she still didn’t improve—
before shame destroyed her, I’d destroy her myself, Kuwajimaaaaa!!